You are a woman sitting in a coffee shop. You see a man nearby and you are very attracted to him. You want to make contact with him before the opportunity is lost. What is the best thing to do?
You can check the answer of the people under the question at Quora “all men should make coffee for their women“
I have always been a bold person, so I would just walk up to him and start talking. Sometimes, it’s best to put aside shyness and just go for it. This mindframe is also a great tool to help someone overcome shyness or social anxiety. I know this because I used to have really bad anxieties around people until I just got tired of being so isolated and jumped into being more social, similar to jumping into a pool of water that you know is going to be shockingly cold, and you brace yourself and jump in.
The human brain is capable of powerful things, and changing your views, your perception and overcoming your fears and phobias is all about mind over matter.
If I see a woman at a coffee shop and she does one of the things below, I am getting her number.
Makes eye contact and smiles. If that happens at least 2 times, I am approaching. Eye contact indicates interest and an invitation to approach. This is the best way to gauge man’s confidence and interest level. If he does not approach, he may be insecure or not interested.
The other two safe ways that women usually indicated their interest in me are:
Sits at a neighboring table and talks loudly, laughs, i.e. tries to get noticed. It makes me turn around and we make eye contact. If she smiles, the conversation starts.
If she passes by my table to get coffee and makes a comment, like “I like your shoes” or “good book”, then I am stopping her to chat and get the number.
If a man does not approach a woman after these hints, then he is not interested, insecure or does not know much about women.
Why don’t you just walk over to him and introduce yourself?
Most men appreciate women that do this and if he was to get all judgmental about you as a woman doing this you have your answer just there, a man you should stay away from. However, most men are not judgemental about women approaching them.
You maybe judged by other women but those women don’t matter. All that is is those women are jealous because they don’t have the guts to walk up to a man and talk to them.
You have nothing to lose only something to gain form it. If he is not interested so be it. If he is great. Otherwise you will always be left wondering.
Men do appreciate the break from having to approach all the time. I will also let you in on another seceret a lot of men love it when a woman makes the first move and finds it hot and sexy. Many men then can’t stop thinking about the woman and the woman stands out from other women in his mind.
I know how hard it can be but really you have nothing to lose, at least this way you will know for sure. That would be my advice.
I’ve done this!
Write your name and number on a piece of paper.
If you don’t have paper and pen, ask a waiter or cashier.
Walk over to the man.
If you’re feeling confident, strike up conversation!
But be careful to look for body language that might suggest he’s uncomfortable. He could have come for some peaceful, quiet alone time.
If you’re nervous, wait until you are totally ready to leave the coffee shop. You don’t want to sit there while he decides what to do!
Then you give the man the paper, and say, “I just wanted you to have this! No pressure…”
If he starts to leave first, walk over and offer him the paper somewhat above waist-level (like a handshake), so he’ll take it in his hand and put it in his stuff or his pocket.
Again, you can say some variant of, “No pressure! I thought it might be nice to talk sometime,” with a big smile.
Make your exit.
Hope that helps! Tip your waitstaff,
Katie❤️⭐️
One time, I was out at a bar with a female coworker, “Olivia.” She had just been left by her fiancee. They had a wedding planned, the invitations sent out. Then one night, she came home from work and he was gone. Never heard from him again.
Can you imagine? I couldn’t, at least not at the time. But she seemed to be doing OK. Still keeping it together at work and all. But definitely not dating or even looking for a man. This was back in the early 1990s, we didn’t have Tinder or Match. If you wanted to meet someone, you had to approach them in person.
So back to my story. This was a work night. We weren’t at a club or pickup joint, just a nice quiet wine bar type place in Seattle’s Pike Place Market (The Pink Door [ https://www.thepinkdoor.net/ ].) I am not sure why we were there or even out together — we normally never socialized outside of work — but we did that night.
(Not us, at the Pink Door bar.)
But there we were, quietly enjoying a glass of wine and probably complaining about work. We were at the exit, saying our goodbyes, when this handsome, frat-boy type approached us. Well, he approached Olivia. I just happened to be with her.
Olivia wasn’t the type of woman you’d typically see with a frat boy. Part goth, part Spanish flamenco dancer, waist length hair dyed raven black, prone to wearing lace headscarves and vintage 1920s flapper hats and the occasional taxidermied bird as an accessory.
She was pretty, but not what I’d call a stunner. Average body, not great skin, and an aesthetic that I’m sure turned off a lot of provincial Seattle men. I am only saying this because this guy, the frat boy, had approached us because of the way she looked.
“I’ve been watching you all night and I couldn’t let you leave without saying hello,” he said to her. “I have never done this before, but you ar…
I work from home most of the week now and when I go into the office, I bring my lunch or use the cafe that’s in the office building.
I don’t meet very many new people. I use online dating sites but we all know how those can go mostly nowhere fast.
I decided to expand my online dating experience to real life dating. The only plan was if I saw a guy that I would swipe right to on my phone I’d go and “swipe right” in person.
Beyond that, I didnt have a pick up line or plan.
The selection was going to be based only on appearance because no one got the memo and wrote up their bio and clipped it to the back of their jacket.
On my very first lunch outside the office, I went to a nearby coffee shop and was just going to grab the biggest coffee they had and sip it slowly and take in the views, maybe perfect my plan.
He was there, he was wearing one of those beanies the hipster dudes wear, you know the dudes we’re supposed to label as douche bags but are secretly attracted to.
Long dark hair. Amazing eyes. I got my coffee, hoping he didn’t pack up to leave while I waited for frothy milk then walked right over to him, well behind him, and swiped my finger across his right shoulder towards the right.
He looked at me and made the “what?” look with his eyebrows then smiled, sheesh, that smile, and asked, “what was that about?”
I told him I’m doing online dating live and I swiped right on him so now he has to decide if he too will swipe right or if his wife doesn’t let him do that.
He laughed and asked me to sit so we can figure this out. There was no wife….phew! We chatted for about an hour and exchanged phone numbers. We call that out first date and had many more.
He was fun. Super smart. A beautiful creature. And the beanie! Can’t forget that.
I learned a lot from having met him.
I encourage anyone who sees someone they are attracted to for whatever reason even if it’s just based on their appearance to go over and introduce yourself.
You may be pleasantly surprised to learn that awesome guys masquerade as douche bags by wearing sexy beanies.
Smile. Complement him in some honest and simple way. “You have such an amazing energy about you!” Let him take over from there.
The best approach would be to politely ask him if you can share the table with him.
Smile and make small talk.
Contact established.
While I was enjoying my hot coffee, this young man, wearing just a plain white T-shirts and a ripped jeans across the street caught my eyes. Like really caught my eyes. I don’t know is it because of the eyes or that tattoos on his hands.
Oh my God. He is just right for me. Wait. Is he alone?? I think so. And I hope so. And he is coming here. OMG. Act natural. Let’s see. Please sit where I can see you. Woww.. And how lucky I am.
Why he is so into his phone. I’m right here!! Okay,maybe I should do something about this whole situation.
Wait, is it okay if I make the first move. Well, I don’t care. I have to do something.
Idea. Idea. Idea.
Should I stand up right now, so that he will notice me? And what, smile and just leave?? Nah, not gonna happen.
What if I just go for it. There is nothing to lose, right? And then ask for his name? Or maybe just his Instagram acc. Twitter? Or maybe he is on Quora too.
Okay, the clock is ticking.
Or maybe I’m just gonna secretly took his picture and let’s just Twitter do the job. Is that legal?
Come on. Idea!!!!
No. He is leaving. Should I follow him. Now, that was too much.
Okay. Let’s do this.
“Hey there…
And that how I met your daddy, little Princess.
Go sit at his table and tell him you prefer the view from his table, and introduce yourself.
Smile at him and let him catch you doing it. It’s our job to take it from there pretty much. If you’re feeling ambitious you can strike up the conversation yourself, but a guy who is available and not scared should approach you if you’re interested and make it clear.
Perhaps Just go over and say “hi can I sit with you? It s nicer to have company for coffee”
So, I’m going to be the wet blanket, here, but I think it’s important.
Maybe you screw up your courage and walk right over and introduce yourself. Maybe you play some games with eye contact and flirty smiles. Maybe you ask the barista to refresh his coffee at your expense. I prefer being straightforward, but you should do whatever feels right to you.
Before you do any of that, however, try to snap a picture of him, and text it to a friend or relative along with information about where you are and a request to check in with a text in a couple of hours.
Be smart. Be safe.
Men admire a brave woman that expresses her feelings . The best thing to do would be to just go to him and ask him out for a date and see his response. What have you got to lose? The answer will be yes or no. Life goes on.
If he is alone then be upfront, sit across his table, look straight into his eyes and give him your best smile. If he has any grey cells in him, he should get the drift and take over.
Say hi.
Dunkin’
Pick out an item of clothing he’s wearing and ask him about it on some pretext: ”Hi, do you mind if I ask where you got that jacket? My brother’s been looking for one like that.” If he’s remotely interested, he’ll make it easy to keep the conversation going. If he’s not, he’ll answer tersely and you can leave without any awkwardness.
Say hi to him and make your intentions clear that you would be interested in e.g. taking him on a date perhaps. We don’t live in 1750 anymore.
tbh, if a woman was momentarily staring at me like this, i’d most likely think i was flying low, had a shoelace undone, she liked my band t shirt or something. it would mean very little sadly and wouldn’t even register as a sign of attraction. Unless you look like Tom Hardy – Most men go through life pretty clueless on whether they are even deemed that attractive. We don’t have people complimenting us on our social media photos like women do, or get hugged / touched. women just don’t let on! it’s all a big secret. Hints are just based on assumptions
So, naturally if a woman casually looks at a man – it means very little to us! Only time a unknown woman acknowledges us tends to happen is if she needs a load of heavy shit physically lugged up 10 flights of stairs – Hence why there are endless questions from men asking how to tell if if woman is attracted to
them. ”
Just say what you are thinking . Treat it A bit like when you went for that job interview. you didn’t sit there casually twirling with your hair and smiling in front of the interviewer – you had to step up and verbally comunicate with them.
If you want something in life – you have to actively persue it.
Boggles my mind relly. some women can spend 3 hours chatting on the phone, but won’t say 2 words to someone they fancy?!
Absolutely go talk to him if he’s seen you he would love it. Most men I think good ones would like that from a woman. No better way to show my man that you like him. In my opinion he would probably unless he’s a player stumble on his word shocked in his mind. But uncomfortably keep his cool stutter some words then finally settle down. And be in the reality of the moment. Definitely go talk to him. I have a man and I would have loved it if that would happen to me
Make eye contact with him, smile, and say “Hi”. Then, see what he does. You can’t control his behavior, but you can substantially increase your odds of connecting with him.
If I were the man (and if I were available), the best technique would be to approach me and say “I like you. Can I talk to you for a while? Would you like a drink?” I can’t imagine ignoring that. Whether it would lead anywhere? We’d see.
I do not like playing games.
I would go straight to the man and tell me my name ask him if you could join him at his table. Start talking to him, strike a discussion.
See where it takes you. Just be careful that he is not a married man.
Do one best thing
Spill your coffee on his shirt and then let the things flow on their own
If it was meant to be then you will be lucky if not then try it on someone else.
Life is too short to think and too long to do .
Go say hi to him. There’s no shame in a girl saying hi first. In fact, since highschool, every girl I’ve been with has asked me out first. Even now.
Believe it or not (I’m not even sure I do) but something very similar to this happened to me many years ago.
I was on a day trip with a group of local businessmen. We had just had a tour of the local power station (which you have to admit, is damn sexy in it’s own right).
We had convened to the pub and I was stood at the bar staring vacantly into space waiting to be served when a girl asking me if I was alright and me being my usual dense as a doorstep person didn’t realise the real reason she was speaking to me and apologised, I assumed I must have been staring at her or something.
She chatted for a couple of minutes, something about working in the town, I don’t recall the details and I just nodded politely while totally confused as to why a nice (and not bad looking) girl had started talking to me, I mean, me?
I think she got the vibe that I was either (a) not interested, or (b) stupid (and therefore perhaps not worth the risk) and we drifted apart.
I didn’t put two and two together until the next day and realised I’d missed a trick there.
It’s probably for the best, after all, she must have been dangerously deranged to have looked around that pub and decided that I was the best (or maybe least worst) option there.
But to answer the question, just siddle up to him and say something innocuous that sort of demands a response rather than make some vague observation that can be answered with a silent but expectant look.
Just say hello or good morning and see if he has a wedding ring . If is is wearing a ring say have a good day good by ….
Peet’s
I have never been in this situation, but I would probably send over a slice of cake to him with my number on the napkin.
Eight O’Clock
Here’s a graceful way to start the conversation…
You: “What kind of coffee are you drinking?”
(He names it).
You: “Oh, that’s my favorite kind.” or “I’ve always wondered about that kind. Is it good?”
Thanks for the A2A.
You are a woman sitting in a coffee shop. You see a man nearby and you are very attracted to him. You want to make contact with him before the opportunity is lost. What is the best thing to do?
Probably nothing at all.
Thirty-five years ago I might have thought that finding someone’s aesthetic pleasing might be a good basis for a relationship, but I’ve met a lot of outwardly attractive people since then, and a good half have them have fallen short of the image they project.
Assuming I were single (or in need of new friends) I might smile at the man if he happened to look in my direction, or make some anodyne and lack-lustre comment if he happened to be sitting close enough to hear me without my needing to shout, but that’s all. If he smiled back or continued the conversation, then great. If we found we had something in common (sense of humour, hobbies, mutual friends, jobs…) then I might give him my business card or suggest becoming FB friends.
But if he didn’t look in my direction, or the conversation was painfully stilted, then I’d finish my coffee and get on with my day. Within ten minutes, I’d have forgotten he existed.
Is he alone?
You are a grown up(i assume) so here’s the deal:
Look at him(without psycho vibe..lol)
Smile
See what happens
Good luck
Walk over and say: Do you mind if I join you?
Some guys were pleased and invited me to sit with them, others were positively startled and got angry, because I displayed non-stereotypical behavior and others weren’t interested and that’s fine.
But direct is always best. Because you spare yourself the mental gymnastics of how being inconspicuous and get what you want. And because if he reacts badly to you being bold he has some hang ups that would be detrimental to a relationship anyways and if he is seeing someone you want to know that asap too. So it’s a win-win-win.
Victor Allen’s
Nothing. I will do nothing.
If he has not noticed me and approached me, he is not attracted to me. There is no opportunity to be lost there if it’s only me who is attracted to him. I will ignore him and continue with my day.
I would turn my body toward his direction and subtly look at him, then smile if we make eye contact. That should be enough of a hint to display my interest. If he reciprocates , then he’ll smile back or will approach you.